Revealing the Source of My Stress

Now that everything is official I can finally share with you guys what has had me so stressed out.    Before I do though let me just say I know that things could be worse, and they are for a lot of people, but I have a lot of decisions to make that are going to have a large impact on me and Andrew.

Apparently the company I work for isn’t doing so well right now, (who is though really?)  We had another big round of lay offs this morning and although I wasn’t one of them it was so hard sitting around all morning listening to people crying, and saying good bye to people I’ve worked with for over 3 years now.  The people who had been there the longest were unfortunately the people laid off this morning, it was a very rough time at work.  After the layoffs were complete we were called into a company wide meeting, where we were told that we were on a hiring freeze, and also there would be no raises this year.  But then the part that had me worried the most was announced.  They are cutting our hours, I will only be working Monday through Thursday, and each Friday I will have off for the next 6 months.  They are allowing us to use vacation days for 2 of those Fridays a month, but I don’t have a lot of vacations days, and it will unfortunately not last me until the end of 6 months. 

I know how lucky I am that I still have a job, I know that I could have been one of the many of people laid off this morning, but now with the 4 days off a month I’m losing more money then my rent.  I don’t know what’s going to happen yet but I’ve lived in this apartment for almost 2 years now, our lease is up June 1st, and I have to make a decision on whether I can stay here and live tightly money wise for the next 6 months, or if I have to move back home.  Again I know that I’m lucky to have that option, I don’t have a family to support and I can always pack it up and go back to my parents.  But even though it’s not my fault I just feel like a huge failure, that I really can’t make it on my own and have to run back to mom and dad for help.

I have also lived with Andrew for 1 out of the 2 years I’ve been here, and I just can’t imagine not living with him anymore, he’s my best friend and I know we’ll still be together but not living together seems so weird now.  I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure everything out but I don’t know what to do, I love my family but living on my own for 2 years has been great.   A lot of my stress has come from trying to figure out what to do about the living situation, can we continue living together in one of our parent’s houses or are we going to have to move separately?  

The bright side is I will now have long weekends for the whole summer, but when you’re losing 20% of your income a month it’s hard to think of that as a plus.  I’d so much rather work a 5 day week then have to deal with this.

After the meeting we were all told we could leave at 12 since obviously no one was going to be very productive.  My eats today were completely boring.  As you can imagine between being upset to see co-workers leaving, and worrying about everything I haven’t been very hungry. 

For breakfast I had Chobani and granola.

When I was about 1/2 way done with this I found out someone I did not expect to be leaving was laid off, I got really upset and threw most of the rest out.

After coming home and talking to my mom and my friend, michelle on the phone I mixed up a smoothie, I knew I needed to eat but wasn’t hungry so I figured that was an easy thing to have.  I enjoyed this out in the sunshine on my deck while on the phone with my mom.

This smoothie contained:

• spinach
• POM juice
• blueberries
• pineapples
• 1 scoop protein powder
• pb
• and skim milk

So that’s it for now, I’ll be back tonight with my dinner post, I’m about to head out the door to go to my parents house to talk to my mom about everything, and hopefully get to the gym.  I hope you are all having a great day!!  Sorry for such a depressing post, I’m sure once I have everything figured out I’ll be back to posting like normal!

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